Sad but True ...

Hope is never too far ....

Wow, i can't believe it's been 2 months since i wrote my previous post .... Life is so unpredictable isn't it? anything can happen, and anything can change in just one moment ....

For a long time, i feel like i've just been in a rut when it comes to relationships and trying to find the right one for me. I've never really had any luck with women, and sometimes i wonder to myself if i am even capable of love and being there for that special someone for the rest of my life. The girl that i have liked for the longest time has no feelings for me, and i made a decision at that moment, that i'm not going to like someone and try to puruse them if they have no intentions of returning the favour. it hurts too much and i'm just torturing myself. i have decided to wish her all the best and let her go, along with my feelings for her.

The funny thing is, when You pray to God about something and fully surrender to Him, you start to see Him work in your life. You start to notice the small changes that occur, changes that you thought were not possible. Before i used to think about her all the time, perhaps every couple of minutes. But when i surrendered to Him, i find myself thinking about her less and less, and now, i find that i hardly think about her at all. It's like she's just an average normal human being that i know. i believe that He is helping me move on because He knows that she does not see me in that way and that if i keep thinking about her, it will just do me more harm than good.

Now i am hopeful in love. Hopeful in what the future holds, and hopeful of what is to come. I'm not sure what that is, but i know that He will always make it good. There's someone that i've been chatting to and although it may seem a little early, i feel like something is there. In the meantime i will just act normal and go with the flow .... who knows? If God allows it, maybe this can be a new chapter in my life .... i'm just going to trust Him and let Him lead me ...

" Fight or Flight "

If the person you like, doesn't like you back, what will you do? Do you keep trying, hoping that one day they will like you back, or do you just accept the fact that they don't see you that way and move on with your life?

Lately i've been struggling with this issue, and it is one that probably everyone can relate to. i don't know what to do with myself. i feel like this person is the "one" for me, and i definitely see myself having a future with this person ..... but it feels as though this is just a one-sided infatuation. She does not see me in the same way ... and it hurts .... it hurts when the person you think about all day, everyday, doesn't even know you exist .... someone you feel so strongly for ..... someone that you picture waking up to everyday ....

Maybe i'm just thinking too deep and maybe i seem a little bit obsessive, but that's how i feel right now. People always say "there's plenty of fish in the sea ..." but this is the fish that i want, there's no other fish out there that compares .... this girl is special ..... and it really sucks when the feeling isn't mutual. If this person isn't the one for me, how can i move on and forget when she always appears in my mind every few minutes? Seems impossible right ..... but friends and people have told me that it isn't worth it, and to find someone else that can reciprocate my feelings ... but its hard ....

i really don't know what to do .... on one hand, i don't want to give up, i feel that if i keep trying, maybe she will realize that i care for her and she will start to like me back .... but on the other hand, if she doesn't have any feelings for me, then i'm just wasting my time, energy, and emotions on someone who will never love me back ....

The only thing i can do now is surrender to God and trust in His plan for my life. i believe that if we are meant to be together, then nothing and no one can stop it. If she isn't the one for me, i pray that i forget about her and forget about how i feel about her .... i just have to give it all to Him, because at the end of the day, it is about what He wants for me life, and not about what i want ....

But it still hurts ...