I Hate Myself

I really hate myself, because of the fool I have been ....

As Sebastian my work mate usually says, I feel like I wanna neck myself ...

The one thing that I have worked so hard at keeping it away from myself has just come back in a rush of adrenaline and earthly/worldly impulses. I just dont know what to do with myself. I hate myself so much for doing these things that upset the Lord and keep me away from really experiencing Him. He is holy and I am definately not. How can I sing and say "Lord, Lord!", yet I do not do the things He says? ....... I am just a hypocrite.

All I know is that this has got to stop.

If this continues, it will affect my future in an oh-so negative way and I am actually not exaggerating with this one. It can have ripples in my life and affect the way God wants Me to be.

I Hate you devil. I hate that you have a hold on Me. I hate that no matter what I do or how I try to avoid it, he is always there to lurk his ugly face ...... I really hate this feeling of guilt and condemnation .... I just want to be free ...

I just want ... to be ... free ...